Valentine’s Day | Love | Choice or Feeling?
It’s Valentine’s Day… yay!
If you’re like me, you’re in love with love. We all want someone to love us the way we desire to be loved. Whether it’s a platonic love or it’s a romantic love, we all want it.
Sometimes, though, that’s what gets you in trouble. What not everyone understands is that love is a choice.
I know, I know… Dina, you’re wrong. I fell in love with my significant other, and I feel it with my whole heart.
Love is even defined on Dictionary.com as “a strong feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, such as for a parent, child, friend, or pet.” BUT, according to Psychology Today, “Love Is Not a Feeling, It's a Choice.”
Now we are left with the lingering question: which one is correct?
According to that same PT article, love is a bunch of choices. I choose to believe this because of experience.
You can love someone for being sarcastic when you’re a 20-something (what I like to call) “teen- adult,” and the same thing that made you fall in love with your person can be so completely different by the time you’re 30, 40, all the way up until your death.
Why? As adults, we grow, we change, we believe things, and then we don’t. One truth among humanity is change.
An inward journey is important. Are you changing and growing? If the answer is, ‘Yes,’ then you need to ask yourself, ‘Is this person for me?’ ‘Why?’ ‘Why not?’
I am personally a lover of a “Pros and Cons” list, but some are not as fond of them.
When you choose to look inward instead of blaming your partner for whatever the fight of the week is, you start taking responsibility for yourself, your choices, and your own heart.
In the same PT article, it says, “…We all know love is an action[,] but many don’t realize there is also an inward journey required. That is why love is so difficult. You must look inward, process, and explore yourself. This is where many drop the ball. So love isn’t just a daily choice to love someone but also a daily choice to look inward.”
Knowing that love is a choice is also a choice: one that you need to logically accept (or not).
I know love. Real love. Hard love. Love is a hard choice to make.
DISCLAIMER! If someone is hurting you, that is NOT love. If someone harms you mentally, physically, spiritually, or emotionally, that is NOT love. Please do NOT choose to stay with a loved one (Friend, Family, or Lover) if they are physically harming you. Some options you can choose are lawful (the police and restraining orders), domestic violence group homes, and even underground railroads for especially heinous situations. DO NOT STAY WITH SOMEONE IF THEY ARE HARMING YOU!
To all those who have been burned by someone you loved, I’m sorry. I know the feeling. To all those who have been burned and still CHOOSE to love, I believe that you are brave, and that you’re choosing the right thing.
Anyway, this was NOT me bashing love. As I mentioned previously, I love love.
I choose to love even though I have been betrayed and hurt, burned and destroyed, loved and lost.
My hope for you is to choose the same.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you chosen to love? If so, what or who? Share it to hello@dinagalarzamapes.com—let's celebrate love together. If you or someone you know is dealing with mental illness, please reach out to anyone. If you can’t talk to anyone, please dial or text 988, or even message me at my email address above.
